Until you experience fertility treatments, it’s impossible to know how hard they are to go through. Prodding and poking by doctors in cold sterile rooms, invasive and uncomfortable tests, blood draws, and hormone injections. Physically it’s tough. Emotionally, it’s unbelievably hard.
When I work with my patients, I tell them it’s important to prepare yourself mentally to protect your soul when about to embark on the cycle of fertility treatments. Doctors often don’t “see” the woman in front of them. They look at the numbers on the chart, the blood test results and the scans and then give their opinion about the chance of getting pregnant according to statistics. While it is essential to get that perspective from the doctor, it does not recognize the potential of your body for change and the possibility of conception.
Here are some things that can help keep you positive and hopeful as you move forward on your fertility journey.
- Stop thinking of yourself as infertile. It’s easy to fall into this trap when you start fertility treatments. Especially if you are over 40, doctors will talk about poor egg quality, high FSH, low AMH and how your chances of getting pregnant are low. But don’t internalize all of this negativity. Your chances may be low but they are FAR from impossible. Think of yourself as someone who needs extra help with fertility. I prefer to use the term sub-fertility as this gives the idea that improving fertility and getting pregnant is closer and within our reach.
- Surround yourself with positive people. That includes you. What would you do if you had a friend who kept telling you that this IVF was not going to work out? That you shouldn’t have waited so long to get pregnant. That you’re old. I hope you would show them the door and never see them again. So do the same thing to that voice in your head that keeps telling you all the negative things. Start every cycle with the same hope and positivity with which you started your first cycle. I realize that it is easier to be negative because we feel we will be less heartbroken if the IVF cycle does not work out. However, I believe feeling positive about the cycle, makes all the tests, scans and procedures a little easier to bear.
- Develop rituals during each cycle. Many couples are saddened by how medical conceiving a child has become. It’s so far removed from the making love they imagined would lead to a baby and they grieve this loss. Try to create rituals together particularly around the time of the embryo transfer. Take the day off together if you can and go somewhere nice or go out for dinner. During the two-week-wait for the pregnancy test, try to imagine yourself as pregnant and treat your body lovingly. If the doctor allows, make love with your partner or just cuddle and hold each other. Try to make these nice memories replace all the difficult times.
- Practice a fertility meditation on a daily basis. There are many free meditations online as well as good quality downloads for purchase. I highly recommend the programs from Circle & Bloom and you can find a FREE download here.
Here is a simple relaxation technique I recommend to the women I work with:
- Get comfortable on your bed or couch.
- Rub your hands together briskly so they are warm.
- Rub the point between your eyes with your fingertips until you can feel some warmth there, and then rub the area on your chest over your heart.
- Then place your hands on your belly with your middle fingers touching your pubic bone.
- Try to imagine energy flowing from your head down through your chest to your belly through those spots that you warmed with your hands. Feel the warmth of your hands on your belly. Breathe slowly and deeply letting your belly gently rise and fall.
- If you feel your mind wandering, go back and rub the points again to activate them.
- Try to do this every day for 15 minutes during your IVF cycle.
