I have been waiting nine long months to write my story. After six miscarriages, I wasn’t ready to share my experiences until I was absolutely certain that this pregnancy was going to be fine so I am finally over the moon to be able to say that all is well and the baby is due very soon.
October is Miscarriage and Pregnancy awareness month so this is also a good time talk openly about this issue and hopefully my story can offer some hope for women and their partners who have lost a baby to miscarriage or stillbirth.
I think my story is a bit different from others because of what I do. As a fertility acupuncturist, I help women who are having problems getting pregnant, which meant miscarriages were something I knew about. I was able to draw strength and hope from my work and it helped me stay positive throughout the last 5 years.
The Beginning
I got pregnant easily and quickly at 38 and gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
When I fell pregnant about a year and half later, it was a surprise as it wasn’t planned. The miscarriage, however, was a surprise. It was totally unexpected and a huge shock, especially because we had seen the heartbeat at 6 weeks.
What helped me through that first miscarriage was that I was aware from the work I do how common miscarriages can be and that the majority of women will go on to have healthy pregnancies, so while it took time to recover emotionally, I was able to save myself from going down the path many women go down thinking that there is something wrong with their bodies or that they will never have a baby. All I can say is don’t go there, ever. Give yourself time to grieve and recover but try not to let the negative thoughts take over your head. You will have a baby in the end.
Throughout all the years of trying for my second baby, I always believed it would work out for me because I had faith in my body’s ability to get pregnant and my medicine.
Doctors Make the Worst Patients
Miscarriages #2 and #3 were tough. Both were early on in the pregnancy again, around 6 weeks but this time there was no heartbeat at the initial scans. Looking back at this point, I want to say to myself then, why didn’t you go see a fertility doctor to do tests after these miscarriages? This is exactly what I would advise my clients to do so why didn’t I take action?
They always say doctors make the worst patients and there is some truth in that. I guess I was complacent; the vast majority of women go on to have healthy pregnancies even after a heart-breaking number of miscarriages. I have seen it several times in my own practice and in my gut I truly believed the same would happen for me.
I am a practical person by nature and my way of coping is by always trying to find the positive in life, therefore, I took comfort in things like the fact that I was lucky enough not to need D&C’s after the miscarriages, for example. Going through these procedures is really difficult and adds to the suffering that women go through. They are necessary in many cases so I counted myself lucky to be spared this.
I took comfort in the fact that I was able to get pregnant easily even though I was over the age of 40. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to try for months or go through rounds of IVF only to have them end in miscarriage.
Also, I had another child and the thought of her helped me get through some long, dark nights when I couldn’t sleep
However, after the third miscarriage, I didn’t jump right back into trying; I just couldn’t.
Why? Life got in the way: work, money issues, the relationship with my husband took a dive (three miscarriages didn’t help things), uncertainty about where we lived, all took priority over having another baby and while I told myself I was stupid for waiting because of my age, I just couldn’t think about trying again; it all seemed too stressful and overwhelming and I didn’t want to face the heartbreak of another miscarriage on top of everything else. However, as usually happens in Life, when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up and after one of the toughest years, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel and with light comes hope.
Getting Serious
It all changed after my fourth miscarriage. As I turned 43, I finally decided to stop and listen to my own advice and start to take care of myself and my health seriously.
I met with a fertility doctor and did all of the bloodwork and tests that I would advise a woman to do after the second miscarriage, especially if she is over 40.
After all the tests came back negative, there was no identifiable medical “reason” for the miscarriages, other than age and possible egg quality issues but since I had no problem getting pregnant, I decided that IVF was not going to increase my chances of success. These days IVF clinics offer women the option of Pre-Implantation Genetic Screening (PGD/PGS) but they are very expensive and not a guarantee that a miscarriage won’t occur. In addition, after working with hundreds of women going through IVF, I know how hard it is to go through. For me, therefore, IVF didn’t seem to offer enough of a benefit over trying naturally.
From my perspective as a Chinese medicine practitioner, one problem was clear to me and that was the length of my menstrual cycle. In Chinese medicine, cycles should average 26 to 30 days in length. As I moved further into my 40s, my cycle had become shorter at 22 to 23 days in length and the period itself, was also short, usually only 2 to 3 days maximum. My goal was to get my cycle back to as normal in length as possible to allow my follicles (eggs) enough time to develop and to allow a good uterine lining to build up to maximize my pregnancy chances.
From taking by temperature every day (Basal Body Temperature charting), I was able to see that I was ovulating early at day 8 or 9, and this was making my cycle short. I worked first on getting my cycle as close to 28 days as possible to move ovulation from day 8 to day 12 or 14, to give the developing follicle plenty of time to mature before being ovulated.
My other goal was to improve egg quality by improving the ovarian environment with supplements and Chinese herbs.
Preparing my Body
I started getting weekly acupuncture and taking supplements and Chinese herbs regularly. I took a good look at my lifestyle and what I was eating and made necessary changes.
I waited 4 to 5 months until my cycle was looking good and then we started trying again. I had two chemical pregnancies (where the pregnancy hormone is very low right from the beginning so it’s clear the pregnancy won’t progress) almost back to back and then finally, I became pregnant with this baby.
The initial beta (pregnancy hormone) looked great as did the progesterone level. The blood test that I did two days later showed a strong beta but the progesterone, while still at a normal level, had dropped a bit so my doctor advised progesterone supplementation. I also started baby aspirin even though there were no blood clotting issues reported in my miscarriage work up just because this is standard procedure in an IVF clinic where there is a history of repeat pregnancy loss.
Every milestone of this pregnancy has been tough. I didn’t talk about my pregnancy at all. It was clear to family that I was pregnant (I wasn’t drinking alcohol among other things) but I just didn’t want to tell anyone and I didn’t want to hear “congratulations”. Every day was one day closer to a healthy pregnancy but the anxiety didn’t disappear. This has not been a “share the joy on Facebook” kind of pregnancy. While I am so happy for their joy, I still marvel at women who post pictures of their positive pregnancy sticks or early bumps. How do you know it’s going to work out? I would silently ask them.
As I head into the last month of my pregnancy, I can reflect back on the last 5 years and wonder if I would have done things differently. Should I have waited less time before trying again? Why didn’t I get tested sooner, maybe I should have chased down the “why” harder, maybe I should have done IVF as it might have revealed the “why” behind the miscarriages. But as I rub my hand over my big belly, the “why” isn’t important anymore nor is the long journey to get here. I am just happy in the present.
What are my recommendations?
If you are in your 40s, it is important to do testing quickly, even after the first miscarriage especially if you think you may want a second child. You have no time to lose and it’s a good idea to book an appointment with a fertility doctor. You may not end up doing IVF or fertility treatments especially if you are able to get pregnant by yourself but it is important to get a professional, medical opinion.
While some doctors advise trying again immediately after a miscarriage, especially if a D& C was done, I would advise taking a couple of months to allow your body to regain its strength. Miscarriages are emotionally and physically draining and it can be good to give yourself time to heal.
Talk to your gynaecologist or fertility doctor about progesterone supplementation. Progesterone won’t save a bad pregnancy and while doctors are still divided about whether it really helps or not, it is standard procedure in fertility clinics after miscarriages. Talk to your doctor about baby aspirin as well. Again, it might not seem necessary if your tests are negative, doing some of these things can help to calm you mentally and make you feel a bit less anxious.
Take an honest look at your life and health. While most miscarriages are due to chromosome issues and or other reasons that can’t be prevented, miscarriages have a profound effect on your mental and physical health and self-care is important. Alternative medicine such as acupuncture, Chinese medicine and naturopathy can offer much in the way of physical and mental help, as can yoga and meditation. It is very common for women and couples not to talk about their miscarriages and keep their pain to themselves. Online support groups, grief counselling or therapy can help you through this time.
If you have questions about my story or other fertility issues, please email me at info@pregnantinthecity.com or submit a question here.
